|Oppressed Baha'i Scholar Ahang Rabbani with his family.|
Subject : Why me?
From : Ahang Rabbani
To : email@example.com
Date : 3/30/2007 11:41 PM
Dear Universal House of Justice,
I have no idea how to start this letter, so I'm just going to type and then send the letter without reading it because if I read it, I would never send it.
I've been upset with the House of some time now. I hate feeling this way. I love the Faith and I love the House. But I feel that i'm being persecuted unjustly by the House. That sounds crazy, I know.
But that's how I feel. I think I've been extremely loyal to the Faith and the House for all my life and have served it with dedication all my life, but I've been dealt with extremely harshly and unjustly.
I came to Haifa in 1981, giving up a very promising professional career, to serve the Faith. When my service was no longer needed (or actually some folks had plans to bring Hoda Mahmudi from some rather strange designs they had at the time), I had to go through a most excruciating period of months of unwarranted criticism from folks I loved and respected. To this day I don't know what crime I had
committed that warranted such treatment during those incredibly dark days in 1988.
When I came to the States my interests shifted to translation and scholarly activities. I wish I had never done so because it has brought me nothing (absolutely nothing!!) but pain and heartache. Time and again, when I worked on something, I would send it to the World Centre (when I absolutely did not have to and was advised by family/friends not to do so) out of a sense of loyalty that getting the House's approval and blessing was a good thing. Every time I was disappointed. It's been going on for 15 years now. I keep pouring my heart into my work just to find the World Centre has come up with some new excuse to block my labor from seeing daylight -- while all kinds of incredibily low quailty books are filling up Baha'i stores. Along the way I;m terribly shocked to see that I'm target of all sorts of accusations by the House of Justice which only later prove to be false and baseless.
So I have to ask: What have I done to warrant this? Why I am being singled out for what appears to be ... well, I don't know what word to use. But it doesn't feel good. I can't sleep. I'm very angry with the House and really hate myself for feeling this way. I DON"T want to feel this way. What do I do???
If you don't want me to be a Baha'i, just say so and I'll leave. I have complete trust in whatever comes from teh House is from God (though I really hate it that I'm always criticized or and everything I do is rejected -- even though I know my manuscripts and work is firstrate.)
If you don't want me to do work (which I had understood naively to be what the House wants those of us with interest in such things to wrk on), then just say so and I'll close my books and go to something else in life.
I probably have made no sense whatsoever and will be very upset with myself after I send this, but at this stage if I don't, I'll never write a letter and won't know why I'm targetted for so much negativity.
Please help me to regain my faith. With tears pouring from my eyes I beg of you! i need your help please PLEaSE
Deepst love, Ahang.,
Note : There are some typos, but I preferred to keep them as they were to retain the originality.
Many many thanks to the sender.
Name of the sender not published as per his / her request.