I have been a Baha'i for nearly 25 years. I've been actively involved during this time with various committees at local and national levels. I am still a Baha'i but it's becoming progressively harder for me to continue to believe. I am not wanting to have an argument with anyone, create doubts or disunity. I just want to share some of the problems that I feel in the hope of hearing others' advice and whether they feel the same.
As time has gone on I've felt an increasing disconnect with the vision of the Faith which has been spelled out in the plans from the House of Justice. Since the 2000s when Ruhi started, the Faith seems primarily focussed on expansion. The most recent 9 Year Plan seems to be taking this to a whole new level. I have been involved in the plans over the years and can't help but feel that we're spending a lot of energy offering the Faith where it isn't wanted - at least in the developed Western Country where I live. In the time I've been involved with the plans, I've only seen an handful of people declare. During this time I've seen many more go inactive or leave the Faith. I have been left wondering why we have been so outwardly focussed when we can't even retain people who are already in the Faith.
In an effort to understand things better, I looked through messages of the House going back to the 1960s. I saw that there had been times we had been promised that mass enrolment was just around the corner. There were other times when the House was clearly alluding to the outbreak of World Peace by the end of last Century. Yet here we are with war in Europe and the numbers of Baha'is in many Western countries in decline (according to census data anyway). If the House missed the mark previously, how can we be sure we are being divinely guided? As I get older and see more things in the world, the basic notion of an infallible group of men is becoming harder to accept.
It's also hard for me to visualise how the Faith will become the majority religion of the planet when it can't maintain its own membership and engage them in the activities of the Plan. The vast majority of Baha'is I know don't get involved with the institute process and cluster meetings. From the conversations that I've had, this is because many people feel it is too institutionalised and feels like proselytising - and these are the people who believe in Baha'u'llah, 'Abdu'l-Baha and the Guardian.
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